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“Actually I don't want to, but I don't feel like refusing.” Do you often think so? It could be that you have become a people pleaser. This trait is not a good habit and can reduce the quality of your life. Come on, identify the signs and ways to stop being a people pleaser
People pleaser is a term for someone who always tries to please the people around him. For women, this trait can also be called the good girl syndrome. A people pleaser will have a tendency to do anything so that other people are not disappointed with him.
There is no definite reason why someone becomes a people pleaser. However, it is known that people who are insecure and have past trauma, such as sexual harassment or a broken home, tend to grow up to be people pleasers.
Recognizing People Pleaser Signs
The most visible sign of a people pleaser is that it is difficult to say no or refuse someone's request. People pleasers will try hard to do what other people ask for the sake of that person's happiness.
In addition, there are several signs that can be recognized by people pleasers, including:
- Humble yourself
- Always agree with other people's opinion and ignore personal opinion to avoid debate
- Feeling responsible for other people's feelings
- Apologizing for unnecessary things
- Blame yourself
- Don't have much free time for yourself
- Feeling afraid if someone is angry
- Needs praise to feel worthy
- Never admit your own feelings, be it when you're sad or angry
- Always willing to help others, but reluctant to accept help
How To Stop Being A People Pleaser
At first glance, being a people pleaser sounds positive, doesn't it? However, maintaining this trait will only make you feel inferior to others. People pleasers also often sacrifice their feelings for the sake of other people's pleasure, because actually they also feel heavy when they are asked for a lot of help.
Often people pleasers are the first targets to be given a task, because they are known to accept assignments with pleasure.Although not everyone intends to take advantage of it, over time a people pleaser will feel he is being used and sacrifice too much.
As a result, a people pleaser can harbor hatred and even become frustrated. Even not only himself, his family and people closest to the people pleaser will feel frustrated and annoyed to see his behavior which in the end he just wants to be used.
If he is around manipulative people, the people pleaser is also at risk of being scammed and abused. Seeing the pattern of his life that takes a lot of energy and harbors feelings, he will also be more at risk of experiencing physical and mental he alth problems.
This trait is certainly not a good thing to maintain. To stop being a people pleaser, you have to do the following steps:
1. Be more assertive with yourself and others
Feelings of discomfort and lack of firmness can make you a people pleaser.From now on, get used to being assertive alias firm to yourself and others. If you are asked for help that is beyond your capacity or costs you, politely decline it and explain what made it impossible for you to do so.
2. Think before doing something for others
Helping each other is indeed a commendable attitude. However, you should think before doing something for someone else. Observe whether the request for help includes taking advantage of you or not.
3. Don't apologize if it's not your fault
Apologize as necessary, that is, when you have done something wrong. Do not easily say sorry if the mistake was not you who did it. Apologizing for other people's mistakes doesn't mean you protect them, but instead makes them release responsibility.
This can obviously affect your good name and harm you. Remember, don't feel responsible for other people's lives. Better, just finish all the obligations that you have, okay.
4. Prioritize your happiness
Happiness is not something you can find, but you have to create it yourself. If you always expect happiness from other people's praise or thanks after helping them, that's not true happiness.
You can't force other people's response to what you do. If it turns out that the person you are helping is difficult to be satisfied with your work, when can you feel happy? So, look for something from yourself and for yourself someone who can make you happy, without needing anyone else.
Helping others is indeed a good deed. However, you don't need to overdo it to give up all means and put yourself aside. Instill in your heart and mind that you are not a tool to make other people happy. You must also realize that you are not living for other people.
Seek your own happiness without prioritizing anyone's interests. Love yourself and develop the potential that is within you. Other people can come and go. So, it's not someone else you need to love, you are the one who deserves the most priority.
If after applying the tips above you still can't stop being a people pleaser, it's time for you to consult a psychologist who can provide the right advice and guidance to change this bad trait.